Ok, first of all, please, forgive me all of my
mistakes since I am not an English native speaker ^^’’
Be aware that the text is short, shows my point of
view expressed through the characters of famous artists and is really simple.
In the future I would like to expand my works in English and work on my writing
quality but for now that’s all what I can produce C’’: Don’t judge me, I just
learnt how to get used to ridiculously low-level writing at GSCE so again,
please, do not be too harsh for me >.<’’ I was punished and forced by my
teacher to keep my writing short and simple and that’s how it affected me T_T I
think my quality of writing communication in general dropped down massively but
hopefully with time and practise I will make a progress C’’: Hopefully…
Title: “Entomb my hesitation”
Paring: Ruki x Uruha (The GazettE)
Genre:
Type: (very short) one-shot
Beta: -
Ruki sat at the balcony with a mug of coffee between
his tights, his head low between his shoulders. Light and shadows created by
pergolas, which split out the sunshine, danced at his face in a strangely
manner. He wore warm sweatshirt in calm, beige colour but he was getting cold.
I spotted it easily. In this year we had a beautiful autumn so the temperature
wasn’t very chilly even though we were already in the middle of the October.
The sun shined nicely. The sky was clear and bright blue. Everything around
looked calm and peaceful.
But not everything was as peaceful as it looked like.
I sighed heavily and opened the balcony door. I went
out from the flat. Ruki probably didn’t notice my appearance, he tried to ignore
me or simply he was too busy with his own thoughts to pay attention to me. Whichever
version was the true one, I sat next to him and I gave him a short, worried
glance. Black haired man looked confused as he could just weak up. He gave me a
surprised or even frightened look.
“Oh, Kyou…” he murmured.
“I just walked in. Don’t worry.” I said with crooked
smile. He sighed with relief in response and nodded. “What are you thinking
about?” I asked. “Or should I be more precise and ask what are you worrying
about?” I was wonder. The vocalist smiled lightly, falsely.
“I can’t hide anything from you, can I?” He took a sip
of his cold coffee. “But after all I wasn’t worrying about anything.” He
denied.
“Of course…” I rolled my eyes. “You aren’t as good
liar as you can think you are…” I pointed.
“I’m not lying. I wasn’t worrying about anything. I
was… I was just thinking… in general…” he explained himself.
“In general?” I repeated. “About what in general?”
“About…” he paused. “About… life… I think…” he
stammered.
“Oh, now I see.” I laughed. “So you were thinking
about our place in the universe, about our destination and how to claim without
hesitation that we are fallowing a right path during our short as an eye blink existence?...
or any other “deep” shit?” I smiled meanly.
“Maybe not quite…” he growled. Ruki hated when I was
taunting him. But who likes to be mocked? “I was… I don’t know how to put it in
words…” black haired man gave up.
“Don’t be afraid to say it directly. I’ll not laugh. I
promise.” I gave him my word.
“I was…” He started his sentence once again. “I was
just thinking how lucky we were to have this opportunity to start our career in
this time when mistakes were still allowed. I mean… Do you remember the
beginning of Gazetto? We were rubbish. We couldn’t write songs in a proper way
but it wasn’t something that could stop us from making our own music. We just
wanted to show our listeners our emotions. We wanted to let them hear our
feelings. I think it was the reason why people started to support us, why we
were able to gain a fame… You see where I am going?” the musician looked at me
unsure.
“I think I have a clue but go on, continue. I want to
be sure I really understand what you mean.”
“I just try to say we started with our band in a good
time when people still valued something more than the quality of the song. They
felt emotions we wanted to share with them. From the technical aspect we were
awful but we were doing something more than just a job. We wanted to go deeper
and people have started to fallow us. With time passing we have gained some
skills, we have learned how to write songs, how to show our emotions in a
better way…” he talked very emotionally.
“So you want to say we started from feelings and a
desire to do something “deep” and then after that we learned how to create
music, right?” He nodded. “And you also want to add you spotted now it is
completely the other way round?” I guessed.
“Yes, exactly!” the musician shouted. “In past
listeners could forgive us our far away from being brilliant music skills
because they were looking for something more important. They weren’t as blind
as they are now. Nowadays only a small group of people still behave in the same
way. Now people want to listen to something easy and melodic without
understanding and meaning. It causes in changes in next generations of
musicians.” He thrown his hands in the air in desperation.
“It sounds like you feel really old… even though you
are younger than me and I still don’t think about myself as a grandpa…” I
chuckled.
“It’s not about me!” he was irritated. “I’m focusing
on other, younger musicians. It’s scary but even though they have awesome music
skills, they don’t have hearts… Now you understand? They are professionals from
the beginning but they are like robots. They don’t feel.” He sighed heavily. “You can learn new things throughout
your whole life. You can learn how to play guitar or drums, how to sing… but
you can’t learn how to feel something. If you can’t feel then you’re just…
disabled… the whole life through…” He shrugged but it was obvious it wasn’t
indifferent for him. “We couldn’t do music. And that was fine. We hadn’t to
learn how to write sings. We could do something totally different, we hadn’t to
become musicians, we weren’t forced to become who we are now. But we felt it
was a right way for us to follow, we felt it was something that we wanted to go
into. We felt.” He stressed. “But new musicians don’t feel. They just decided
at some point in their life they want to learn how to play some instrument or
how to sing. So they have learned till they became professionals. Now they are
talented, young people who can have unbelievable high qualifications… but they
are still heartless. They are empty. And it’s scary. I’m afraid of these
people.” He confessed.
“Maybe you don’t have to.” I shrugged. “Life is still
going on. Life is changing and it also changes people who take a part in it.
This process is running from the beginning of the universe and you can’t help
it or stop it. It’s how our world works.” I claimed.
“Maybe you’ve right…” He mumbled. “But I’m still
unsure..”
“Life,
don’t change my fate…
God,
entomb my hate…”
…and maybe my hesitation as well.
…please?